Blog,  Codependent Chronicles

Silence on the Battlefield

I think the enemy knows what our calling is, far before we do and he does everything he can to stop or thwart that from coming to fruition. He certainly knows the power and authority available to us through Christ. The ranks of the enemy desperately want to stop us from using the tools and authority that God has given us. 

For many of us, the enemy starts in on us from a very early age. Please know that if you encountered tragedy and trauma from an early age, then there is a strong call on your life and once you step fully into your identity in Christ, you will rattle the gates of Hell!

Generational curses can cause entire family lines to stumble, be delayed in their calling, or even to miss it altogether. God is drawing us to a place of awareness. He is calling us out of these old stagnant tombs, to break those curses and direct a new path for our families. Before we move forward, let’s look at the carnage left in some of our lives and how that came to pass.

We see parents on tv that are nurturing, loving, protective, and witty. They are wise and always have the solution in the most complex situations. Not everyone had that type of childhood. Some of us grew up on a battlefield that left so many scars that we still struggle to navigate life, even as an adult. 

The scary thing is that our society is riddled with people who were raised in unhealthy and even toxic homes. They refuse to admit this, which means they continue those same patterns. You know what they say, you can’t fix what you can’t face. These environments teach us to be silent and to keep secrets. Our voices are such a powerful asset in the kingdom of God, and that is why the enemy tries so hard to stifle them.

Parents with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or narcissistic parents view questioning or failure to obey as rejection and anyone who is not totally obedient or in agreement with them is considered an enemy. Toxic parents do not hold the same view of their children that others do. They frequently see their kids as opponents or even as threats. Growing up in this environment will leave you with complexes and that most people just can’t comprehend.

In typical homes, a child may experience some sort of repercussion if they fail to honor the rules set by their parent or guardian. They may even encounter a bit of resistance when opposing that adult’s point of view. In general terms, they would not be perceived as an enemy. They would not be met with physical violence and emotional abuse. A narcissist tends to come unhinged when everything is not aligned perfectly in their favor.

These tactics cause people to suppress their own voices. They fear speaking up for themselves because it could come with a consequence. When you have to be wary of the person who is supposed to protect and care for you, it leaves you cautious of the entire world. 

My mother would vacillate between acting as if, I was her very life force to treating me as if I were her worst enemy. I would work so hard to keep her happy and try to earn her love, but she was always moving the goalposts. I don’t think she ever actually knew what she wanted, so it was impossible for a child to foresee what would keep the waters calm.

As an adult, I am often hyper-aware of the moods of others and when their moods shift. I was walking on eggshells for so very long that I have an extremely difficult time relaxing. I also struggle with speaking my truth to people in positions of authority or even in intimate relationships.

For years I was afraid to set boundaries or even tell people when I didn’t like something or disagreed with an idea or concept. I feared the fallout that it could bring. I assumed they would attack and reject me the same way my mother did. I allowed people to treat me badly, use me and manipulate me because I had been conditioned to not push back. 

I had friends, that I never should have considered friends, but I didn’t know how to separate myself. I had bosses and the types of jobs that pushed me to the emotional brink, repeatedly. I was in such toxic relationships that they almost mirrored my childhood. 

As I engaged in the healing process my mindset began to shift. I began to realize my value and worth. When you know who you are and what your worth is you don’t allow anyone to mishandle you. I also had to learn that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. This is still a difficult concept to apply daily and especially in the heat of the moment. 

Knowing that I have an adversary that is determined to destroy me, helps me seek a battle plan through the Holy Spirit, rather than relying on my own strength. One thing the ranks of the devil do not ever want us to do is to use the sword of the spirit. 

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

We are told repeatedly in the word of how powerful our words are. To beat someone down emotionally to the point that they cannot use their own voice the way that God intended is nothing short of theft.

I now have the courage and mindset to set boundaries and make better choices when it comes to those I engage with. I love myself enough that I no longer care who stays and goes in my life because God directs my paths. Those who are important, genuine, and meant to be in my life hear me and respect my point of view. 

I can typically freely express myself without the fear of repercussions. I still struggle and the Holy Spirit is right there to encourage and remind me of who I am. A child of the most high King! 

I am a writer and an ordained minister. I grew in very toxic environments. After prolonged intensive abuse I now have C-PTSD. I have overcome so many obstacles and been able to heal and grow by facing my past and processing it in a healthy way. I am still a work in progress but I have come farther than I ever thought would be possible.

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