One of our biggest struggles, is we continually attempt to find perfection in our flesh. We keep seeking perfection in our sinful nature. But the only perfection we can ever experience is that of the Living God within us. Once we can admit to our frailty and our flaws and the fact that we can never be perfect while on this Earth, then we can lean into the help of the Holy Spirit and fully rely on that help, in absolutely every area of our life. It is our striving that is the most uncomfortable aspect of our spirituality. Because we are always reaching for that which is unattainable. God offers us His grace, His power, His authority and His love, there is nothing on this Earth that is more perfect or precious than that.
Yet we have convinced ourselves and we have allowed the enemy to convince us, that this is not good enough and that there is something more that is needed. The truth is our wholeness comes from God. The truth is the more that we surrender and rely on Him, the freer we become. The word says that we did not choose Him, but he chose us. So even in my Worship, even in my surrendering to Him, and in my obedience, I ask Him for help. Because bit by bit day-by-day I am learning with more clarity, that I am incapable of doing anything on my own in this finite form.
It took me years to reconcile the idea of God as my Father. I did not grow up with a father so it was difficult for me to form a picture in my mind of what a loving father would be like. Each time I study scripture, I am able to learn more of what that should be. My mother was an addict with Borderline Personality disorder. I was taught very early in life to not bother her or make her angry. I was constantly trying to earn her affection and approval. Naturally this spilled over into my connection with God. I spent years making sure I crossed every T and dotted every I. in order to be a good little Christian that God could approve of.
Needless to say, this led to burnout after 3 years of striving. I could not maintain the level of perfection I was pursuing. I was raised in a fundamental church that endorsed this belief. Once I backslid, I was able to meet people who operated in Grace rather than legalism and it changed everything for me. Not immediately, it took time and navigating through my feelings and beliefs. I think God is still stripping away those distorted beliefs that caused a gap in my relationship with Him.
We have all experienced the imperfection of human love, that has hurt us or let us down. Many of us have felt the need to earn or perform for love. We have felt abandonment and uncertainty in love. It is easy to label God’s love in by those experiences.
The truth is that the love of God is absolutely NOTHING like human love. It is perfect. That does not mean that we have to be perfect to attain or experience it. Quite the opposite. The unconditional Agape love of God is freely given to us in spite of our short comings. Each person in the Bible that was granted the favor of God and was used for the kingdom was a person who consistently made mistakes and some of them even willfully sinned. Yet God loved them so completely and never gave up on them, that it actually changed them and became a testament of His power.
There is absolutely nothing that you can do to earn the Grace, favor or love of God. For some people that may be frustrating, but please take it as good news. You can rest in the presence of a perfect God without any conditions. You are loved and adored, just as you are. So relax, let go and be fully who you are, and be loved for it.